Exercise Your Rights: Part I

Welcome to Wear Mail by Rachel Hodin. Home to spectacular, shoppable finds—fed to you in tasty, bite-sized edits that'll inspire you creatively, generate lols, and are specifically designed to tickle all. Read Rachel's vintage shopping thoughts here or subscribe on Substack.

I’ve often been told that I would be the first to die in a zombie apocalypse, and I think that’s a fair assumption. I’ve never been one for adventure, nor have I ever been sportif, as Countess Luann might say. I was born with two left feet and a crick in my neck, which would’ve been totally fine if I hadn’t attended a prep school (ages 2 - 18) that considered being on a sports team to be the pinnacle of extracurricular activities.

And so I went through the motions. Against my better judgment, I rode horses and played in little league. I took after-school tennis lessons and, in a weird turn of events, excelled at tap dancing. In 7th grade, I even succeeded in becoming a three-season athlete—arguably my most triumphant ruse to date.

But then 9th grade hit, I didn’t make it onto a single sports team, and my reality as an uncoordinated noodle who’s scared of balls began to set in. Those who weren’t on sports teams were relegated to gym class peasantry, and when it came time for my gym class to commence the required three full weeks of mid-day swimming, I walked right up to my mustachioed gym teacher, looked him square in the eyes, and told him I had my period every single day, for 15 school days straight—daring him to question me. That may not scream “athletic” per se, but it’s pretty fucking adventurous if you ask me. It’s a pity that’s not how my immediate family would see it.

You see, despite gym class being firmly in my past, I will never truly be unchained from the prison of athletics and adventurous pursuits because my mother, father, and sister cannot get enough of them—and refuse to accept that I want nothing to do with them; that I am strictly a Pilates and yoga gal; that I am not of their ilk.

They love every form of physical exertion—cardio, aquatics, winter sports, you name it. And the more adventurous and outdoors the activity? The better.

You’d think that, by the time you’re in your 30s, you’ll have the backbone to say “no” to something you intuitively, wholeheartedly do not want to do without any pangs of guilt. Well readers, I am 35 years old and, to this day, I shudder at the thought of my parents asking me to go kayaking with them. I cower just thinking about having to cobble together another half-ass excuse for why I am unable—and only at this very moment!—to finally have a go at paddle boarding. How could my saying “no” to such strenuous activities still have the power to disappoint them? And especially this late in the game (“game” = life)?

And then it hit me: why not just dress the part? Why not disguise myself as someone who would go kayaking on a whim. Then—just maybe—I could trick them into thinking that I am in fact that person.

So here’s the plan—for myself and anyone interested in joining. First we establish the foundations that make it abundantly clear that we are just fine, workout-wise, and have had our fill of adventure, thank you very much. Call these what you will—the everydays, the go-tos, the staples—but know this: they must be vintage Prada and Miu Miu.

I’m talking Spring/Summer 1999 and Fall/Winter 1999. Miu Miu SS’99 was the collection that launched the short-lived (but not forgotten and recently revived!) Miu Miu menswear line, and perhaps because of this, the women’s clothes have a distinctly youthful, almost boyish quality to them.

At this point, Miuccia was no stranger to sportswear, having launched Prada Sport in 1998. But whereas Prada Sport—with its windbreakers, modular jackets, and signature nylon—was deliberately designed to be genuine sportswear, the SS’99 and FW’99 Miu Miu and Prada collections distilled this spirit of activewear much more subtly, with far more sumptuous fabrics. And it’s these high-low fusions of luxury materials and utilitarian elements that will give the impression you’re “totally game” for an impromptu tennis match, but—and this is crucial—need not only be worn for such high-impact pursuits.

Of all four collections, Miu Miu SS’99 contains the most overt renderings of performance wear. But even these—from safari-like separates to jackets with drawstring hoods and backpack belt straps slapped horizontally onto the front—are cut in materials that are less flimsy and papery than Prada’s nylon. Some are made of neoprene with a mesh finish, others are crisp and swishy—and all seem like they would hold up just fine on a ropes course.

Throughout all four collections, even as materials like suede, fur, and leather are introduced, that high-quality outdoorsy thread is never lost.

A chaotic collage of all four collections.

Waistcoats feature mesh backs, bustiers are cut in neoprene, and kangaroo-style pockets appear on the front of uber-feminine nylon blouses. You’ll find zip and Velcro pockets on lightweight tailored wool, nylon drawstring hoods tacked onto fur vests, and bungee cord-style belts. And everywhere you look, you’ll find more of those backpack belt straps (and with a polished metal buckle, if you’re lucky).

1. Miu Miu dress, $2,500 2. Prada orange patent heels, $600 3. Prada fur waist bag, $650 (also available here for over double the price)

4. Prada crossbody fur bag, $570 5. Prada skirt, $206 6. Prada hand muffs crossbody fur bag, $620 7. Miu Miu neoprene dress, $590

8. Miu Miu boots, $948 9. Prada mini skirt, $300 10. Miu Miu brown suede waist bag, $450

And then there are the bags and shoes—a fantastic solve for anyone who isn’t prepared to commit to an entire look from one of these collections, but still wants to look as if they’d eagerly join a spontaneous round of pickle ball.

1. Prada corset, $2,721 2. Miu Miu top, $456 3. Miu Miu hidden pockets jacket, $741 4. Miu Miu wool knit detail tank, $900

5. Miu Miu fur paneled coat dress, $3,000 6. Miu Miu technical utility belt, $200 7. Miu Miu bubble sole boots, £720 (similar ones available here for $869 and here for $1,034) 8. Miu Miu jacket, $294 9. Prada split sole canvas boot, $670.38 (this isn’t the exact picture of the product) 10. Miu Miu nylon mesh jacket, $620 11. Prada navy crossbody, $855.22 12. Prada wristlet, $469.13

Whether it’s a suede and mesh crossbody bag that contours the curves of the body without adding any bulk; a leather-strapped, tweedy canvas backpack that sits high up on the back; or any of the bubble-soled heels and boots, these—if you look real fast—seem to suggest you hike, and hike well, even if you’re more likely to wake up in a cold sweat than break a sweat, mid-day.

1. Prada canvas crossbody, $390 2. Prada mini dress, $1,450 3. Prada patent leather boots, $403.65

4. Prada trousers, $496.57 5. Miu Miu mary janes, $512.27 6. Prada strapped boots, $717.28

7. Prada bag with fur details, $406.56 8. Miu Miu leather mesh and floral heels, $690

9. Prada utility vest, $676 10. Prada crossbody bag, $702.10 11. Prada vest with open back, $689.69

Stick to pieces like these and you’ll be rewriting your own narrative, essentially reconfiguring your own family’s very idea of you. Then, start to hit ‘em with the strong stuff.

Stay tuned for part two, in which I clarify what I mean by “the strong stuff” and bring you more vintage Prada and Miu Miu finds.